Time is tricky to pin down these days, but at some point in the last few weeks I shared an article on Facebook about grief. It was very interesting and I found a few points really hit home.

Also speaking of time – I realize that I haven’t posted for a while! It’s almost like I’m busy getting back into working full time, and learning how to manage being a single parent! Ha! As if. I’ve been playing Pokemon Go, obviously.

Back to the article. I don’t even really remember what it said anymore – something I’m sure the author would love to hear ….but I definitely remember liking it and relating to knowing how it feels to constantly be feeling two (or four, or ten) things at once. It’s somewhat overwhelming, always tiring, and actually seems relatively healthy and normal. Allow me to elaborate.

I plan to make a meal this week that calls for cashews (are you already riveted by my example??). I’m looking forward to the meal because I’ve had it before and it is delicious. (Insert happy emoticon) I also am laughing because I remember how Eric would constantly  snack on anything he could find in the house, and I would specifically have to tell him not to eat something like cashews because I would be using it for a recipe during the week. This was a weekly, if not daily, conversation…ya know, when he was still eating. (Insert laughing emoticon) And now, I am sad/mad/depressed/etc. because I’m reminded – as if I ever forget – that he’s not here with me anymore. (Insert crying emoticon) And we might as well throw another emotion in there…relief! Because due to the lack of snacking, my grocery bill is going down! (Insert smirk emoticon)

I’m sure anyone who’s given any thought to this, or had their own experience can relate or understand where I’m coming from, but I’m just more shocked at the sheer amount of emotions I can feel in a single second. And it’s not like one emotion takes away from any other. I don’t feel guilty for laughing, I don’t feel wrong for feeling sad, I just feel everything. All at once. It’s like a weird wonderful dinner party in my mind where all the guests are really respectful and chattery. Just don’t bust out the booze, because then it’s anyones guess as to who’s going to take over.

Also, for the record, I don’t actually play Pokemon Go. I have a life….watching Friends reruns on repeat.