Just when I think things are getting easier, I wake up crying (literally five minutes ago) because I had a dream within a dream (think Inception) about Eric. He had the long hair he always wanted (complete with a man-bun),  just like the part hipster he always claimed he wasn’t. We were at my parents house and he went upstairs to go to bed while I tried to turn off all the lights downstairs, which of course, wouldn’t turn off. I yelled up that I wanted to tell him about my dream where he had died, but he said that didn’t sound like a fun conversation. I’ve had dreams like this before, and they are the absolute worst. I wake up and think I had this nightmare, only to reach for Eric and realize real life is worse. Maybe I’ll be calmed down by the end of this post – but when a morning starts out like this, it usually lasts all day.

Anyways – in other news…the inaugural Eagles for Eric golf outing was amazing! Wow. I just cherish being able to see so much of the support I have around me, in person. Don’t get me wrong, cards and texts and comments on this blog are absolutely wonderful, and they are sometimes the only thing that keeps me going, but to see a room full of people, it’s just…wow. Thank you so much if you came out, or donated towards Arie’s education fund, you cannot imagine what that means to me. But I’ll try to explain…

When Eric died, I didn’t just lose my husband, I lost the dreams we had and the plans that we’d made. We were planning on going to Europe this summer. We’d been saving up for this adventure for a couple of years…we even had a separate account at our bank so that a portion of our paychecks would just be deposited every two weeks. Serious business, folks. We’d also planned on having kids really close together…I believe the term I’ve heard is Irish twins? And I was going to be a stay at home mom, eventually. EVENTUALLY, co-workers… 🙂

A lot of what we planned and hoped for are no longer possibilities for me. I’ll probably use some of that Europe fund to take some trips here and there, but I also think it would be cool to use it to take Arie some day and go on the trip Eric and I had planned. But that’s not going to happen if I become a stay at home mom, because I’m pretty sure that’s not a paying gig.

But, thanks to your support – both after the funeral and at this golf outing – one of our dreams is still a reality. I’ll be able to afford to send Arie to a Christian school, and hopefully even be able to help pay for college. So thank you for making it possible for me, and for helping fulfill one of Eric and my plans. I’m pretty sure it would have literally been impossible without you. And I’ll be sure to use it as guilt when he doesn’t want to study in the future. 😉

This post is getting long, so I’m going to write about the other exciting news from the golf outing in a separate post. It’s pretty amazing…

That’s what we call, a teaser…