It’s been almost five months now (how is that possible?!), and I feel like I’m doing worse than I was before. Well, worse is the wrong word, but there’s been a general shift to a more sad base emotional state. “Base” is the keyword there, because I don’t have any trouble being genuinely happy or excited… Continue reading Sad Wave

Responsibilities are such. a. pain. I for one, am sick of having them. I was responsible for taking care of Eric for THREE years. Granted, he had almost one whole year of being healthy in there – little victories, am I right? But that kind of pressure wears on you! Eric may have lost his… Continue reading Van Andel Institute

Just when I think things are getting easier, I wake up crying (literally five minutes ago) because I had a dream within a dream (think Inception) about Eric. He had the long hair he always wanted (complete with a man-bun),  just like the part hipster he always claimed he wasn’t. We were at my parents… Continue reading Eagles for Eric

Well, that was a rough one. This past Friday was Arie’s first birthday. Instead of the normal ‘how can I have a 1 year old already’!? It was more, ‘how is Eric not here for this!?’ I was already struggling Thursday night, and then when I woke up on Friday it all went downhill. Do… Continue reading Arie’s Birthday

I hate bugs. Hate them. I don’t do many outdoorsy things (like camping…shudder) because of, you guessed it, the bugs. The most outdoorsy I get is the screened-in-porch where I sleep at my parents cottage. At the top of my list of most hated bugs? Spiders. Even typing the word, legit gives me the shivers.… Continue reading Bugs

It’s been 3 months (and 3 days) since my house got a little quieter. Right now it feels like so much more time has passed than a mere 3 months. I’ve already had a lifetime of new ‘firsts’ without Eric. First time sleeping in our bed alone, first time watching our favorite tv show alone…you… Continue reading 3 Months

I think I’m getting into a good rhythm these days. I stay hella busy, (can we bring back hella? Did it ever leave?) my sister moved in with me, (she thinks it’s temporary…HA…she’ll never be able to leave Arie) and I’m having more good days than bad. Eric is still my first thought in the… Continue reading The Watch

Comparison is the thief of compassion. I googled that sentence, and I’m pretty sure no one famous has said it yet…but I didn’t scroll too far, just incase. Trademark! For realz though. (WordPress keeps trying to change that to ‘reals’ – stupid computer, get on my level!) It seems like we’re always trying to compare… Continue reading Compassion

Yesterday was the official two month mark since it happened. And today (the 24th), depending on when you’re reading this, would have been our 6th anniversary. Not a long time to be married, in the grand scheme of things, but I sure did learn a lot. I was married for 5 years and 10 months,… Continue reading 6

Time is tricky to pin down these days, but at some point in the last few weeks I shared an article on Facebook about grief. It was very interesting and I found a few points really hit home. Also speaking of time – I realize that I haven’t posted for a while! It’s almost like… Continue reading Duality