Grieving is annoying. Can I be done?
I don’t know what fool (yes I do, it was my mom) thought it was a good idea for me to be left alone with Arie and Roxy in my house for a brief two hours today. Stupid “jobs” getting in the way of my grief counselors (mom/sister) being with me 24/7. When I’m alone, I keep expecting Eric to walk through the door, or ask me to bring down an ice (never forget the ice!) water when I join him in the basement for a movie. Uggggggghhhh. Kill me now. Poor choice of words. But seriously the worst thing so far seems to be when I go to text him or call him about something, as if he’s just late getting home from the office.
I most often refer to how I’m feeling as “waves of emotion”. It’s fairly accurate as one second I’m riding high, thinking to myself “this isn’t so bad…I can do this…maybe I’m done crying!” and then 10 minutes later I’m putting Arie in an outfit that Eric picked out from Baby Gap and suddenly my child is looking at me like – hey, I’m supposed to make those noises – and my dog is waddling over to comfort me, as only the best dogs do.
In other news, Arie is currently fascinated with Roxy’s dog dish (gag), so in attempt to compromise with a 9 month old, I set him – fully clothed – in the sink to play with bowls of water. I am totally nailing this mom thing.
Life of a Witty Widow 
Grieving is not easy! But writing it out (kind of like dancing it out on Grey’s Anatomy) will lighten the load and get some thoughts out of your mind – for a time. I keep a prayer journal (a lot of entries for you and Eric over the years) and it helps to go back and see what I was asking God for at specific times. It also helps to see answered prayers – even when I didn’t see that they were answered:)
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While we were discussing joy and loss in our Bible Study recently, one of the girls shared this quote that helped her deal with her loss. I really liked it and have found it helpful as well. We are praying for you often. I enjoy reading your writing, and hopefully it gives you an outlet as well!
“We tend to think that life comes in hills and valleys. In reality, it’s much more like train tracks. Every day of your life, wonderful, good things happen that bring pleasure and contentment and beauty to you. At the exact same time, painful things happen to you or those you love that disappoint you, hurt you, and fill you with sorrow. These two tracks — both joy and sorrow — run parallel to each other every single moment of your life.
That’s why, when you’re in the midst of an amazing experience, you have a nagging realization that it’s not perfect. And while you’re experiencing something painful, there’s the glorious realization that there is still beauty and loveliness to be found. They’re inseparable.
If you look down train tracks into the brightness of the horizon, the tracks become one. You can’t distinguish them as two separate tracks. That’s how it will be for us, too. One day, our parallel tracks of joy and sorrow will merge into one. The day we meet Jesus Christ in person and see the brightness of who he is, it will all come together for us. Then it will all make complete sense.”
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Grieving is such a process. Good days and bad. My husband has been gone almost 6 months and this is still the case. Days of joy and days I can’t even get off the floor. Take time for both. I don’t think we’ll ever be completely over it but it does get a little better with time. I remind myself daily that God has a plan. I may not get it but He does!
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Hi Chelsea! I’m one of those strangers you’ve talked about who has been following yours and Eric’s story. (Not 100% creepy stranger though – my dad Jay Purcell is good friends with your dad.) Anyway, I just wanted to say that you have a gift for writing. I hope you consider writing a book or something else to share your story, wit, and honesty with the world someday! I truly enjoy reading your posts. Amazing how Eric’s light lives on through you and Arie.
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Love this picture, Arie is adorable!
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