Yesterday was the official two month mark since it happened. And today (the 24th), depending on when you’re reading this, would have been our 6th anniversary. Not a long time to be married, in the grand scheme of things, but I sure did learn a lot. I was married for 5 years and 10 months, but it seems like a lifetime.

Two months. Geez. It seems like it was equally forever ago and just last week that I lost him. I imagine it will feel that way for a long time. Maybe forever? Who can say? Most of the time I do alright. I’m fairly in control of my emotions, and open up to certain people, sometimes frequently, about my day to day (hour to hour) struggles and triumphs. Arie’s the worst part, as I’m sure you could guess. Anything I do for the first time with him is just so bittersweet. He had his first actual swim in Lake Michigan this weekend, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how I wish he was holding on for dear life to Eric’s arm instead of mine. And I must say…I feel that it is particularly cruel to have to endure Eric’s birthday, Fathers Day, and our anniversary, all within two months of his death. But I suppose grief waits for no one. Bring it on, Christmas.

Thankfully, we didn’t actually celebrate anniversary’s, holiday’s or birthday’s in any special way, usually. I could guilt him into things like ice-skating on my birthday, but mostly we just enjoyed going out to dinner. We loved loved loved to eat, sample interesting cocktails, find new restaurants and try exotic foods. And we were addicted to the Food Network…Good Eats, Chopped, Iron Chef…oh man we could watch them for hours. We even made our own food tour of Nashville after his first year of treatment was over. And gifts? Ha! Eric was the WORST gift giver. One year for Christmas he bought me Glee CD’s….CD’s!!!…in 2012!…And I already had them! Bless his heart. I’m fairly certain he ran into Best Buy on Christmas Eve and bought the first thing he found. He did come through a few times though…usually when I told him what I wanted. At least he could follow direction. 

Anyways. In honor of our anniversary I thought I would share the secret to our kick-ass marriage. First, you should know that we didn’t always have it figured out, so there’s no point in making it seem like we did, because that doesn’t help anyone. The first few years were the same as many young couples, I imagine…learning how to live together, fighting, figuring out money, fighting, making big life decisions, fighting….you get the picture. But when May 2013 came around our life changed course, and our marriage shifted with it. We quickly learned, and chose, to put each other first. My main focus was Eric…making sure he had what he needed, making sure he was encouraged, making sure he laughed, making sure there was a puke bucket nearby at all times, and all the other little things that go into taking care of someone you love. In turn, Eric’s focus was me…making sure I wasn’t worn out, making sure I was still having fun, making sure I knew he was fighting for us. I could go into detail, and maybe another time I will, but that’s it. It’s so simple to say, and yet so hard to do. (Any brides out there, if you haven’t received that advice from me yet, you will) By nature we put ourselves first, and I feel like over time (many decades perhaps) in a marriage you realize things run better if you put your spouse first. Eric and I just had a fast learning curve…a sink or swim situation, if you will. Thankfully, we swam. And I was given something I hold as dear to my heart as my memories of Eric…a marriage with a love so strong and pure and sacrificing that in our final hours together, Eric was concerned with comforting me enough to want me to sit with him on his hospital bed even though he was in pain, and I was concerned with him and his pain enough to not want to rustle any of his pillows.

Cheers to six years, sweetie. I bought myself something nice.