2016 is over, FINALLY! My word, that seemed to take forever.

The holidays were manageable, mainly because this year I generally pretended they didn’t exist. I didn’t decorate, I didn’t celebrate with anyone, and I escaped to Florida with my family. I spent Christmas day by the pool with a gin & tonic in one hand and a book in the other. It was obviously just what the doctor ordered, because I didn’t even need my anxiety meds, go me!

It’s so surreal to look back at where we were a year ago. It all went downhill starting January 11 when Eric had his routine bone scan. He was pretty nervous because at this point he had already had spots in his lungs (removed), he’d been having some pain in different parts of his body, and he saw some bright spots on the monitor during his scan. I’m sure the tech preforming the scan, didn’t need a doctorate in radiology to instantly notice Eric’s body lit up like a Christmas tree, with tumors literally head to toe. That night we got an email from MyChart (the hospitals patient portal) saying that his recent scan results were available. We debated for a while if we wanted to read them ourselves or wait for our appointment with the doctor, but finally decided that we couldn’t wait, knowing they were available. And that’s the story of how we basically found out Eric was going to die, in an email. Welcome to 2016! After reading the results, we went a little crazy and had pizza DELIVERED instead of picking it up ourselves. I know, I know…wild stuff.

Eric was supposed to have 6 months to a year, but then his cancer cells decided bone wasn’t enough to inhabit, and they moved into his stomach(ish). That cut his time in half. I remember those timeline conversations so clearly. The first, in Dr. Steensma’s office…so many questions, such broken hearts. Then after the stomach scans, we got the updated timeline call while we were watching Shameless in our basement. Doctors do so many amazing things, but having to give news like that? I can’t imagine a more devastating part of their job – it is literally the opposite of what they’re trained to do, save lives. Over the next four months we had ups and downs, were in and out of home and hospitals, and just generally tried to enjoy the rest of our [too short] life together. In sickness and in health, till death did us part.

It would be so easy to write this past year off. To focus on the pain, the grief, the torture that was 2016. But it seems like a healthier choice is to count my blessings. So here are some of the best from this past year.

• After we found out Eric’s lifespan, my employer let me stay at home with him while holding my job until I returned, and gave me the greatest gift of my life, time with my husband.
• I was able to experience the purest love, and a pretty perfect marriage (except for the whole dying thing…)
• I know what it feels like to have an entire community of people hold you up and love you unconditionally.
• I survived my worst fears come true.
• Seeing our friends step up and be surrogate father figures for Arie.
• A full house, standing-room-only, line out the door funeral.

And now 2017 is here, with its own fun to be had, and pain and problems to be tackled. I have a few goals for this year – blog more, run a marathon (more on that in another post), promote and raise money for Osteosarcoma, maybe start writing a book, occasionally wear some lipstick..stuff like that. Mainly though, I hope I continue to enjoy life, laugh through the sorrow, fight through the obstacles, and love always. I also need to drink more water.

Goodbye and good riddance, 2016.